A lot of pretty cool things have happened to me since I got diagnosed with breast cancer in July 2015. I mean, chemotherapy was a riot and having a mastectomy and the followup surgeries was my favourite thing, obviously, but those things aside, I’ve been lucky enough to get some awesome opportunities. From having my name featured on a Formula 1 Car, to walking in the Breast Cancer Care fashion show, joining an army of incredible women and regularly strapping on an enormous boob as one of CoppaFeel!’s Boobettes, to taking the jump and going freelance, pursuing my dreams of writing something that matters (though this may be temporarily on hold), I’ve been so very, very lucky. I’m grateful for all of these opportunities. The last two years haven’t been easy, but they’ve been pretty entertaining on the whole.
And I’ve started saying yes to things I never would have said yes to before. I think I’ve talked about this before, but I just don’t see the point in letting my nerves or fear or apprehension or anxiety stopping me from doing things. I’m pretty lucky to still be here, so why should I neglect opportunities that come my way? There’s a lot of things I can’t do right now (like surf) so why wouldn’t I say yes to things I can do? Even if they rip me out of my comfort zone and plonk me down next a beautiful lake in Malaga, completely naked and surrounded by 99 other naked women, all about to skinny dip in the aforementioned lake, I feel like I have a duty to do them. A duty to say yes. To myself as much as anyone.
Oh yeah. That lake thing actually happened. That wasn’t just some wild stream of whimsy consciousness I went off on there. A few weeks ago, along with some of my other awesome Boobette Babes and a bunch of other women from all over the UK, Feel Good Drinks escorted us out to Spain for their Feel Good 100 project. Their idea? To promote their 100% natural drinks they wanted to get 100 women in a 100% natural environment in 100% their natural state.
So here we were. Women of all shapes and sizes. A handful of breast cancer survivors. Models. Bloggers. Mothers. Every single person with a story that had led them to say yes to this opportunity.
So there I was. In beautiful sunshine in a stunning location with an incredible group of women wandering around with my The Artist Formerly Known as Breast out for everyone to see. Bizarrely, I felt more self conscious of the boob I still have than the war wound that marks my experience of breast cancer, but mostly I felt liberated. With all my wobbly bits and all my scars on show, there was something really honest about baring everything. Probably more honest than I had been with or about my body in a very long time.
Today marks two years since I had my mastectomy. Since the start of my treatment, I suppose. The start of my “triathalon”. In terms of surgery, it’s kind of turned into the Marathon des Sables, with 7 surgeries down and (hopefully) only two more to go. But at the end of this month I’ll go back to having two boobs as my (hopefully) penultimate surgery sees me have an expander implant put under the fat they’ve gathered from my legs and stomach in the past couple of surgeries. It looks like this is gonna be a big ‘un. Another scar. Drains. More liposuction. More bruising. More exhaustion. But I’m here, eh? I’m alive and kicking. Who cares if it works out that on average, I’ve had a surgery every three months for the last two years (I do a little bit. But only a touch).
The timing was really right for me with this campaign. I’m constantly searching for ways to feel alive at the moment and I really did feel alive and grateful for this opportunity. It kind of marked a transition in my treatment as I come to the end of living flat, 22 months after I had my implant removed. It’s the start of the end of my cycle of surgeries (hopefully) and I loved being able to celebrate my body honestly – for what it was before cancer, what it is now and what it will become. I still have so much growing and healing and learning to do.
You can see the video created by Feel Good Drinks here – and I’d also recommend getting your hands on their infusions range. Genuinely delicious.