If there’s one event of the year when wizards might be inclined to leave their magical kingdom in favour of the muggle world, I reckon it’s Glastonbury Festival. There may not be a drop of butter beer in sight and the magic they’re used to might not be permitted under the Official Magical Secrets Act, but there will guaranteed be magic in abundance – from an electric atmosphere as headliners take to stages across the farm, or Dave Grohl dedicating Everlong to our girl Laura, to stumbling through the South Eastern Corner and discovering the Shangri-La for the first time. Muggles and wizards alike are guaranteed to be blown away by the multiplicity of wonders of Glastonbury festival, but where would we have found our favourite wizards if they’d apparated onto Worthy Farm this weekend? We have a couple of thoughts…
Forever trying to fit in with the cool kids, Harry Potter will have spent most of his time at Glastonbury Festival by the John Peel Tent. He didn’t know any of the music, but was bopping along awkwardly and acting like he knew who Dizzee Rascal was all along.
Despite no longer living in the muggle world, Hermione watched the 2017 Election with a great deal of interest, so you’ll definitely find her watching Jeremy Corbyn as he welcomes Run the Jewels onto the Pyramid stage on Saturday afternoon, but primarily she’ll be knocking around the Left Field stage to hear the political discourse going on there. She also probably ventured to the Free University of Glastonbury too to hear talks on evolution and hear author Amy Liptrott discuss her much praised book The Outrun.
Ron – Silent Disco
Having never encountered headphones in the wizarding world, you can guarantee Ron Weasley spent the vast majority of his time in the Silent Disco next to the Park Stage. Completely confounded by wireless cans you rest on your head which then proceed to play music, he’d relish the experience of taking his headphones off and listening to a hundred people singing about “living on a prayer” and sounding distinctly like Moaning Myrtle.
Luna – Green Futures
It sounds obvious, but Luna Lovegood would definitely find her kinfolk in the Green Futures area of the festival. From visiting half naked healers to trying the muggle activity of bending yourself into the shape of a pretzel known as “yoga”, and becoming fascinated by a fellow festival goer who looks distinctly like they’ve got wrackspurts (invisible creatures which float into a person’s ears, making their brain become unfocused) but who blames something known as “the booze”, Luna would happily wander around the hippy area of the festival for pretty much the entire weekend.
Voldemort – Arcadia
Drawn by the fiery drama of the late night Arcadia stage, I’d expect to have found Voldemort and his henchmen hanging out under the 50 tonne spider if he were still alive. He’d love the bassy beats and feeling the warmth of flames on his face as they blast from the metalwork arachnid during the nightly landing show.
Neville – Anywhere and Everywhere
If there’s one person who is going to accidentally stumble on something extra special at Glasto, it’s definitely Neville Longbottom. He’s most likely to get lost and find himself down the rabbit hole without knowing how he ended up there, or how to get back once he left. He’d be the one who discovers all the secret shows but having spent his entire life in the wizarding world, he won’t notice when he finds himself in an exclusive Arcade Fire gig or finds Guy Garvey on Williams Green. Neville is likely to get the most authentic festival experience has he wanders with no real aim or agenda and there’s a strong chance he’ll end up looking as dishevelled as he did after the Battle of Hogwarts.
Dumbledore – Stone Circle
Much like the Dalai Lama before him, if Dumbledore were still alive and kicking (and oh how I wish he were), he’d have drawn the crowds in at the Stone Circle. He’d have tried to remain as anonymous as possible, but with a beard, wise face and sparkling blue eyes like that, he’s a natural born leader and one that folk can’t ignore. Whether he was sitting in contemplative meditation or enjoying the pungent aromas of the area, he will have been in the midst of all the action, whether he wanted to be or not.
Fred & George – Kids Field
While they probably spent most of their time resisting the urge to show some unsuspecting kids what “real magic” looks like (and this isn’t as creepy as it sounds), as well as sneaking in to watch muggle magician Dynamo (they swear they know all his secrets), Fred and George Weasley will be most at home entertaining little ‘uns in the Kids Field. While they can’t perform magic in front of Muggles, they brought plenty of Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes along to the festival and will have drawn quite a crowd with their Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder and extendable ears.
True to his character, Malfoy will likely have been skulking around the South East corner, probably hanging out mostly near the Hell stage. On occasion he might have ventured a little further afield to find himself in Block 9, or heaven forbid, amongst all of the muggles hanging out at the Pyramid Stage. Mostly though, he’ll have tried to stay away from as many filthy mudbloods as possible so he probably spent all of his time sitting sulkily by his tent with no-one other than Crabbe and Goyle for company.